Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
