Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
