so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
