I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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