Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
