Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All the doctor said was why
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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