Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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