I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
