New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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