i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
