'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
