I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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