i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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