He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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