Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
