His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
