New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
