They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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