worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
