He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
