Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So here I am, sexting at work.
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