I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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