More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
