You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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