there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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