I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had sex on a roof
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
