Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I had to cum in my sink.
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