if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
