I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
