So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
