I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
