its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
