When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
