I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
