I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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