I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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