Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Every concussion has its silver lining
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
