I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize