i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
