just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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