I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
