I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
