two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
