i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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