Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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