just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
