I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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