he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
