I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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