they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
