I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
