NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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