i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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