Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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