All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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