So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
