somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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