Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Blood and glitter go together right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
where are my eyebrows?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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