I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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