Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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