remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
