he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
