i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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