Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again