I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.