it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're breaking my sexual little heart
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*