Its about making memories worth repressing
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.