Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
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I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???