I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
