u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
