this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
