There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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