The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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