I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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