just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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