i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
