can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
