I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
