Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
