I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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