if only i could text you this smell
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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