I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
