I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
