youre lurking in front of me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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