I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
