You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
