i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
