You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
