At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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