bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
