don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
