My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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