I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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