MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
