NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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